An Apology To My First Car

"colorfulyawn" (colorfulyawn) 10/03/2013 at 15:46 • Filed to: None

27

77

It was never easy for you. You were born a poor 1982 Plymouth Reliant station wagon, and then you were sold to a rental-car agency ... in Florida. After a year or so of that, my parents bought you as a second car. And then, in late 1991, you became mine. My first car.

Much unlike the cheap, AM/FM radio that was the first thing I removed from you, I’ll never forget your fleet-friendly white paint, or your vinyl-covered bench seats. Nor will I forget your luggage rack, which led me to believe sitting on your roof with an acoustic guitar, singing to pretty girls, was structurally permissible, and resulted in my skinny 135-lb. ass causing a denting-beer-can sound every time I turned a corner.

I know now that every time you broke down, you were trying to tell me something. That time your head warped because I drove you too low on coolant, I know you were telling me that I was a dumbass for not keeping an eye on my fluid levels. Or the time when your timing belt went out; you were really just telling me that I was lucky I had a car with a zero-interference engine, and that I’d have to pay more attention when I owned the kind of high-performance car I really wanted.

And looking back on it, your humble, K-car roots were, in reflection, much like mine. I didn’t appreciate you as much as I should have because I had my eye on cars I thought were cooler, like my mom’s soon-to-be-retired turbocharged LeBaron. You know. The one with the cool digital dashboard, and robotic voice that would interrupt the radio anytime your washer fluid was low.

But the truth is, I wasn’t as cool as I thought I was. I was a geek. I was as much the human equivalent of a K-Car as anyone could find at the time.

I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now.

Every time you broke down, you forced me to spend a weekend with my dad fixing you. And because you broke down a lot, and in a lot of different ways, you were responsible for a lot of time spent with my father learning how to fix different parts of vital automotive systems.
Because of you, I learned how to rebuild both disc and drum brakes. Because of you, I learned how to trace down a short in the electrical system. Because of you, I learned how to remove a cylinder head, and then put the engine back together well enough so that it runs. Because of you, I learned how to rebuild a carburetor, even if it wouldn’t do much good because it was “electronically controlled." Because of you, I spent several hours of my youth with my dad working on a car in our driveway.

Thank you.

I beat the hell out of you, and you only made my life richer for it. While I’d never want to rely on you as my daily driver ever again, I owe a debt to you. I mistreated you the entire time we were together, yet you are my automotive “Giving Tree.” You meant so much to me, and I’ve never expressed that.

To you, my first car, a humble, white, 1982 Plymouth Reliant station wagon, I apologize.

Burrito de EJ25 > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 15:53

7

It's so dusty in here. My allergies (has none) must be acting up.

. . > Burrito de EJ25 10/03/2013 at 15:57

3

This post Ventures deeply into tearjerker territory.

Brian, The Life of > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 16:15

7

Damn dude ... I just ... ::sniff::

Damn ... I really ... ::chokes up::

Something in my eye ... ::wails::

efme > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 16:29

0

how old ar eyou? weirdly enough I had a 1982 Plymouth Reliant station wagon as my first car. it was yellow and matching yellow vinyl seats. The AC broke so we just took the belt off.

I replaced all the rotors, calipers, pads, wheels, camshaft, timing belt, alternator, multiple exhausts and rear lift gate when I was rear ended by my permit holding friend. I loved that car.

My sophmore HS class color was yellow so we put a big cardboard banana on it :)

if I knew 10 years later that could be a perfect platform for a turbo car using the 2.2, that would be a nice car to have not donated.

first mod I would have done: gotten a right mirror.

colorfulyawn > efme 10/03/2013 at 16:33

0

I turn 38 one month from today, actually.

My Reliant's AC actually worked, but it made the engine run so poorly that I never used it. Thing would stall at stoplights. I had the really, really weak, normally aspirated and carbed 2.2 in mine, not the Mitsu 2.6.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who had a Reliant wagon as a first car. It really wasn't a terrible car to have, looking back on it.

efme > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 16:36

0

i had the 99 hp 2.2 too!

Makoyouidiot > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 17:44

5

So many feels...

Stef Schrader > Makoyouidiot 10/03/2013 at 18:16

4

All the feels. All of them.

LSXforYourSuperCar > colorfulyawn 10/03/2013 at 18:23

2

It's about the luxury...

colorfulyawn > LSXforYourSuperCar 10/03/2013 at 18:44

2

Awesome!

Yeah, 1 hp per 100cc sounds about right for that thing. And I'll never understand why the 2.2 didn't have a cross-flow head.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:07

0

TubaZeppelin > efme 10/04/2013 at 12:10

0

I had a 1991 Plymouth Acclaim with the 2.5. I loved that Engine. It taught me how to work with cars. I loved it so much I think I'm gonna buy an '88 Reliant K on sale near me for $900 as a commuter car, just because I already know everything that can possibly go wrong and how to fix it all on one Saturday.

Tom McParland > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:11

0

The feels man....the feels! Well done.

 > Makoyouidiot 10/04/2013 at 12:12

5

Thunder > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:13

1

'83 LeBaron was mine.

3-speed automatic. It shifted out of first at 43 MPH.

The poor car died at 38.3 miles up the Northway, having had its oil pan punctured by a huge pothole on the Whitestone bridge when I was leaving NYC. I had been there visiting my then girlfriend - I think the Gods may have been trying to tell me something.

At 38.3 miles, I glanced in the rearview and saw smoke. Pulled to the side, parked, and noticed the engine was no longer running (not my doing). Opened the hood, FIRE! I returned to the cabin, grabbed everything of value (including yanking out the recently installed stereo head unit), and climbed up the hill at the side of the road. Miraculously, it put itself out, but it was done, at just short of 100K miles.

My next two vehicles died at just short of 100K miles, making me think I was jinxed. I've since solved that by not having anything that's approaching 100K.

Other quick story: a friend was babysitting his professor's house (he was a grad student) in Potsdam, NY. I visited there a lot as the girlfriend mentioned above went to Clarkson, and that made a good rendezvous spot.

I was allowed to park in the garage while there. When I subsequently left, my method was: car in reverse, floor it. Clear of garage door, wheel hard over, stomp brakes. Shift to drive, switch to gas, proceed on my way. :-)

Blondude > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:20

0

*sniffle* That was beautiful.

Sorry, I have to post this every time someone mentions the K car.

Autojunkie > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:22

2

My first car was an 81 Aries sedan. It was bright "fire engine" red with red vinyl bucket seat interior, 2.2L, and column shift automatic.

Dad purchased the care brand new back in 81. It was built at the old Jefferson Assembly where he worked at the time. Dad and his brother, a fine woodworker that also worked for Chrysler, built an all-pine wood center console for the car.

My parents gave me the car when I turned 16. I drove it for 6 freedom-filled months before I was hit head-on by a fellow high school student and her brand new VW Fox. Her dad purchased her a brand new VW Golf to replace the Fox. I was without a car for another 6 months until I could save enough to buy another used, but much crappier, car.

I actually miss that car. I miss what it represented to me as much as the car itself. It wouldn't be my last K-car either as I would own two more, if you count only the Aries/Reliant twins, over my lifetime (an 82 Aries wagon and 88 Aries coupe).

ThatsAgood1jay > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:22

1

Touching, I have a similar experience with my first (and current) car. It's made me not a p*****y. Because my dad works odd hours, we could only do maintenance on my car during the worst possible weather. Complete disc brake rebuild at midnight in the middle of texas summer when there's about 4billion insects in your face? check. Complete power brake unit rebuild during the one week it's below freezing in texas? check. No A/C car with thick glass windows and chromed shift-levers and turn signal indicators? check.

Love that car more than most human beings.

GLHNSLHT2 > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:24

0

ptak appreciates old racecars > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:25

0

Am I the only one who wants to take a K-car and stance it on a set of BBS RS?

chucky2jimmy > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:26

0

"I didn’t appreciate you as much as I should have because I had my eye on cars I thought were cooler, like my mom’s soon-to-be-retired turbocharged LeBaron. You know. The one with the cool digital dashboard, and robotic voice that would interrupt the radio anytime your washer fluid was low."

My "mom's turbocharged LeBaron...with the cool digital dashboard" is still sitting in my garage waiting to be road worthy again.

LowEndZen > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:26

0

Mine was a '72 baby-poop green Chevelle sedan.

Loved her dearly, but I was a terrible driver. She didn't survive the second wreck (a low-speed head on) and I've always blamed myself for not being able to resurrect her. :::sniff:::

GLHNSLHT2 > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:26

0

Because It Was Based On The Vw Engine As Far As Manifold Arrangement Hours goes

Huell Howitzer > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:28

0

I'll bet you didn't set your parking brake and let it sit in gear. Bastard!

Michael H > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:33

0

Nice ode to a first car. Well done.

Michael H > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:35

2

Because the dirty little secret behind the 2.2 is that the designers were pretty much trying to build a 4 banger version of the slant 6. There's not much for parts interchange, so you can't call it a cut down slant 6, but whoever designed it was definitely copying off the blueprints for the old leaning tower of power.

RazoE > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:37

0

Seriously? Who the fuck pulled my nose hair? *sniffles*

DoctorThrottle > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:38

0

"Like" if you cry every time. *sniff*

Dangerous > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:39

0

Wow, I could say the same words about my first car, which was also somewhat similar to this. It was a 1983 Datsun Nissan Stanza (not a typo, had both badges). It was a station wagon too. I ended up cracking the block. At 16 I didn't understand FWD+powerbrake burnout=impossible/stupid squared.

colorfulyawn > Michael H 10/04/2013 at 12:42

0

Interesting. I never thought of it that way, but it does make some sense. The slant six was a motor they were justifiably proud of.

BuickSuper > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:42

0

Hope you got the rust proofing deal!

OtherBarry > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:44

0

I have similar thanks to my first car. 1980 Chevy Malibu. Learned about many repairs, how to drag race, and how to swap engines (twice now). Next summer I will finally get around to showing my true appreaciation by finishing the body work, painting it, and finally finishing the interior.

To first cars.

colorfulyawn > Huell Howitzer 10/04/2013 at 12:45

1

Well, I did, but living in Dallas there weren't many hills to worry about.

I did far worse things to that poor transmission, though. Like lifting right before it shifted to make the shifts more abrupt. I wanted to feel like I was driving a manual.

colorfulyawn > chucky2jimmy 10/04/2013 at 12:49

0

Heh. Ours was donated sometime around 1997. It hadn't run in at least a couple of years. Of course, the Reliant outlived it by a considerable margin. In fact, the Reliant may even still be on the road. I hope it is.

feather-throttle-not-hair > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:50

0

I remember the only time my first car left me stranded. The alternator was gone and when the battery finally quit i had to pull over immediately and park it in the nearest parking lot.

When I got out of my car I started walking towards to the store to see if I could use their phone (I didn't have a cell at the time.) As I was approaching, I realized the stores windows were all blacked out. Upon entering my fears were confirmed, i'd managed to break down in the Castle parking lot. For those of you who dont know, think Costco for pornography.

Anyway, I called my friend for a ride, but i was about a 30 minute drive from where he lived, so I was a little worried about getting him to pick me up.

Me: So uh...i'm stuck in silverdale because my car broke down. Any chance you can come pick me up?

Him: Yeah...i guess. OH wait! My mom and my little sister are actually in silverdale right now! I'll just call them and they can pick you up! Where are you parked?

Me: uh.... i'm uh....Just tell them i'll meet them at the mall okay?

colorfulyawn > BuickSuper 10/04/2013 at 12:51

1

You know, as many problems as that car had, rust wasn't one of them. Maybe it's because the car spent its life in Florida and Texas, and didn't see much winter duty.

Or maybe the rental fleet that originally bought it did indeed order the rust proofing.

colorfulyawn > ptak appreciates old racecars 10/04/2013 at 12:52

2

Not anymore.

Susan > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:52

0

^ this is what happened to my ACR; it was murdered while clearing an intersection near a highschool, while picking up my siblings. Luckily they were not in the car yet. Stupid lifted Tundra.. Notice the roof rack is in perfect order, and in its original shape. lol - always got a kick out of that. I miss my ACR, and I will find another one, eventually. Still drove and tracked straight after that; its muffler was dragging on the ground though, when the tow-truck came. Aside from the massive 'dent' in the side, it would've been able to drive home.

colorfulyawn > LowEndZen 10/04/2013 at 12:53

0

Always loved those 4-door Chevelles. They've gotten pretty rare, it seems. Haven't seen one on the road for a while now.

AMC/Renauledge > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 12:53

0

So good.

I wish I could say the same about my first car...an '84 Tempo GL automatic sedan. There's nothing like the excitement about having your first car. The Tempo, though, turned that excitement into total anxiety so many times. Catastrophic water pump failure. Heater core failure. Fuel filler neck leak. Rear drums that self-destructed. Radiator leak. ATF leak. Driver's inside door handle spring broke, sending the door flying open at random, even when locked (Thanks, Ford door locks!). Headliner that collapsed from the roof until it actually lined my head as I drove. All these problems surfaced in the 5 months I had her before she gave up the ghost at 90k miles in the summer of '99. Tempos were apparently famous for this sort of thing once the odo got above 80k. Which is why you don't see many on the roads anymore, despite being massive sellers.

Still, I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way I did that first April day I drove myself to high school as a sophomore, blasting Switchfoot's "New Way To Be Human" over the 2-speaker AM radio as I drove like a bat out of hell through 50mph, curvy country roads, grinning from ear to ear as the car pitched and rolled like a schooner through each turn, but still gripped the road. I felt so free, like I could do anything. And I felt that way in an Earl Scheib resprayed seafoam green '84 Tempo GL.

After the Tempo died, I got my '76 Gremlin, the story about which I won a COTD (under my old J-nik handle):

http://jalopnik.com/5847809/cotd-d…

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

colorfulyawn > Thunder 10/04/2013 at 12:55

0

Ah, man. I've had cars taken from me and meet violent ends, but I've never had to watch one die right in front of me. That would really suck.

fintail > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:01

0

Nice reflection. The wagon is the best looking K-Car, I think. So it could have been worse.

My first car, a 66 Galaxie, made me appreciate the fuel injection that it lacked.

colorfulyawn > AMC/Renauledge 10/04/2013 at 13:28

0

My dad had an '85 Topaz (the Mercury version of the Tempo) as a company car for about 9 months. While I always thought they looked good, man was it a piece of shit. It had a vacuum leak that would cause it to hold a gear for way too long, and a few other things were wrong with it that I don't remember specifically. And this was a new car at the time.

People who are a little younger than I am, or weren't exposed to as many cars as I was, I think don't understand just how crappy the Malaise era could be. But it was not uncommon back then for brand new cars to run and drive like broken-down old hoopties. I think the surviving Malaise cars may be the strongest ones of the breed, so driving one today doesn't give the same impression as having to deal with them when they were new.

Meatcoma > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:33

0

Excellent Read. This is actually a really good idea. There should be an email we could submit our 'Apology to my first car' to and then have someone post one a day. I would read the shit outta that and offer up my own stories which sound a lot like yours.

Limp Home Mode > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:33

0

http://www.lincolnversailles.com/kcars/1984%20R…

Had an 87 Wagon in Glacier Blue, I loved that gutless POS!

elkris > LSXforYourSuperCar 10/04/2013 at 13:39

0

Classic!

Burner > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:43

0

Can agree with this. My first car was a green 1993 Mercury Tracer(like the one above, but with tan interior). I abused the living daylights out of this thing, but it was tougher than tough. I sideswiped a car coming the opposite direction at 80+(speedometer only went to 80 or 85, it was pegged, Because.. teenager), offroaded it getting away from an angry mob(seriously), always floored it to hear the transmission downshift, took out some mailboxes on a rainy day, kicked it when I lost my wallet, hid from a viscious dog by jumping on the roof which smashed it nicely(punched back into shape from the inside), committed assault with a deadly weapon with it to a guy who had broke into my(moms) house, and had a friend riding on the back bumper holding onto the factory rear spoiler, which I thought would be funny to floor it in reverse and stop, flinging him, and my spoiler, off the car. There was not a single undented panel on the whole car. I did replace the back window after someone threw a rock through it, and gave it a new rear bumper and taillight after the sideswipe. Then I sold it to my brother in law, who about a year later, took it on a high speed police chase and jumped out of it while the car was still moving, it crashed into a pole and two parked cars. I went to see it at the impound lot, it still ran! The front wheel had a HUGE chunk of pole in between the rim and tire, but the tire still held air! It never complained, never broke down, it just took all the abuse I (and my BOL) could give it, and I never appreciated it. To that car: I'm sorry, I miss you, and thanks for all the memories.

colorfulyawn > Meatcoma 10/04/2013 at 13:45

0

Thanks.

I'd definitely be interested in reading other people's first-car stories.

AMC/Renauledge > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:51

0

Totally agreed. Early Malaise cars did have driveability issues due to having to respond suddenly to conditions that didn't exist when the vehicles/drivetrains themselves were engineered. Everything else about the cars, though, was at least somewhat respectable.

Vehicles that were engineered during the Malaise Era did tend to be total pieces of shit. The Tempo was definitely one of them. Engineered after the second fuel crisis, they had to build the new Tempo's FWD tech down to a price, since the company was on the ropes in the years before the Tempo came to market. This objective coincided with the need to make the car light to save fuel. That made the Tempo fragile, flimsy, and completely disposable. Which is why it makes sense that we don't see many out on the roads anymore.

Also, my Tempo's slushbox was so recalcitrant, so unrefined, every shift would snap my head back and forth. Your Dad's Topaz (and I always liked the Topaz's styling better) wasn't alone on that count, certainly.

DeMarcusStark > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:53

0

My first (and current) (and not really mine, but my dad's) car is an '85 2 door Topaz (Mexican equivalent to the tempo) and even if i cannot drive it since it hasn't worked properly for 3 weeks now i really love it. The paint faded away, the interior is in a bad shape and it has so much rust that you can actually poke through some of the panels.
I don't care.
The first time i drove it i felt awesome! The sensation of moving a car by yourself is the best, also, since it is a manual you feel like a man, and when somebody hears that you drive a manual they respect you.
The first time i reached 115 Km/h i felt like i was the fastest man on earth, and since it has an independent rear suspension it turns out that it can corner hard, also when it does it loves to scare other people by making the rear tyres scream for some grip. It may not be fast, but it feels like it.
That car has locked me out, it has stalled, it has stopped it's engine in the middle of the street during rush hour, and the lights stopped working in the middle of the night once, but that same car made me feel like i was Colin McRae. A few months ago, during heavy rain, the drivers side windshield wiper's arm broke, so i had to drive really slow, but the next day i fixed it by making a wire harness around the wiper's arm and motor, and i have learned to fix a few things. it has surprised people by overtaking much faster or newer cars and it has given me the best times i ever had.
So yes, its rusty, and old, and it doesn't currently work, so it may be a rusty piece of shit, but is my rusty piece of shit, and i love it

LowEndZen > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 13:55

0

Go ahead; rub it in!

colorfulyawn > AMC/Renauledge 10/04/2013 at 13:57

0

Now that you mention it, there do seem to be two distinct phases of the Malaise era, the first of which were just older designs that were updated with safety and emissions equipment. The second phase, yeah, cars that were actually engineered during the era.

Of course, I still like some cars from both of those eras. They're what I grew up with, after all.

need1moreCar > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 14:02

1

1980 Malibu 4-door. It was green with green interior (although much of the green was actually faded to a nice off-white by the late 90's). It had an 229 cu-in odd-fire v6 with a GM metrics slush-box and an electronically controlled carburetor. I learned about nearly all of the same things, including the head gaskets! Although, i always maintained it, i just drove into failures... :)

colorfulyawn > DeMarcusStark 10/04/2013 at 14:02

0

I totally forgot they even made a 2-door version of the Topaz. Not a bad looking car. Sort of reminds me of a scaled-down Thunderbird from the same era.

DeMarcusStark > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 14:08

0

Yeah, actually if it was currently sold i guess it would be the Topaz Coupe, and yes i also like the way it looks, i think it's sporty, and it's about the same size of a current Mustang!!! (Not that it matters, i just find it funny)

Mister_Moon > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 14:33

0

Holy shit I had one of these, only a couple of years newer. Worst. Car. Ever. The damn thing was always broken in some way or another. It drove poorly, the engine couldn't maintain speed on the interstate with the cruise control, the interior was worse than '77 Chevy Malibu (and that's saying something!)

But it was also the car I driving when I met my wife. Either it wasn't as repellent you might think, or I'm more attractive than I appear. Or the real reason she picked me as the man who would father her children and spend the rest of her life with....

...Because wagon.

CSX321 > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 14:35

1

I drive a 24-year-old 2.2L every day. Turbocharged, though. Once you fix the couple of weak points of these things, like the head gasket (MLS gaskets are now available for it), they're quite durable.

Marvintpa > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 15:12

0

First car was an '81 Plymouth Reliant K, black, four speed manual, 2-door. Woulda loved that car if it could have run in the rain (really, distributor low on the FRONT of a transverse engine?), didn't have a 2-ft long shifter, didn't break halfshafts like celery sticks, and didn't have door handles that fell apart if you dared look at them. The metal dashboard never cracked, though, just don't be a passenger in during an accident. It had the funniest Haynes manual of all time - covered half the Chrysler line-up since they were all essentially the same. Good times.

sat_seb72 > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 15:31

1

Wow! Your first car story is remarkably similar to mine! My first was a 1981 Reliant sedan. 2.2L, 4-on-the-floor. How many of those have you seen?? My dad bought it new when I was 2. He'd traded his old Plymouth Colt in on it. It has A/C, but that was LONG gone by the time I was driving. The car was radio delete from the factory, but Dad had put a Radio Shack system in it. No power windows or locks. It didn't even have cruise. It did, however have power brakes and steering!

I learned how to hoon in that car. It should have died a thousand deaths at my hands, but it survived to live through my two younger brothers and then went on to another family to teach their kids the joys of a manual transmission.

I learned to wrench on that car as well. The hooning did, in fact, lead to the wrenching. I was at about 110mph one day (just guessing, the speedo only went to 85, but the needle was far past that and bouncing), when a lifter let go and messed up the camshaft. So, out came the valvetrain and off came the head (Dad: "since we're in it this far, we should torque those head bolts... oops), and in went the new cam. All of the "drag-racing" that I did led to a clutch failure, of course. So, I did one of those too, along with all the standard maintenance stuff.

I started dating a girl across my very rural state. The Reliant got me there and back many times, at higher rates of speed than should have been possible in that car. It got me my first speeding ticket, and to my first kiss. It took me hunting, to sporting events, dances, museums, and stores. It transported my friends, who hated the car but didn't complain until one day a door latch broke and they ended up kicking the door so hard in an attempt to get out, that they bent to inner door frame.

I miss that rusty, white, K car. It really was crap, but I learned so much. Thanks for bringing up the memories, Colorfulyawn!

x_expat > LowEndZen 10/04/2013 at 15:41

1

Mine was a '72 Chevelle "Greenbrier" wagon in "menthol green" that I drove to death in the mid-eighties. I miss that car, and I've never seen another like it.

Disco_Che > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 15:42

0

Sweet topic. It gives me an opportunity to thank my poor abused 79 VW Scirocco. She gave me the best parts of her life. Taught me how to drive a stick, how to drive a FWD, how not to brake on corners. And how did I repay her? By flooring it on a cold start, by repairing her with duct-tape and silicone, by whacking the starter instead of replacing, by hooning on ice into curbs. She treated me well and deserved better and I miss her still...

fordtempo > AMC/Renauledge 10/04/2013 at 15:43

1

My first car was an '89 Tempo GLS, affectionately known as the "Pimpo." Transmission mounts repeatedly failed. It was two-tone white and gray, with a light-blue passenger side corner panel. The car overheated so bad that it warped the dashboard. In the end, I donated it to Goodwill, because the tax write-off was worth more than what I would have received by selling it. I cannot begin to tell you how much pot was smoked in that car.

colorfulyawn > Disco_Che 10/04/2013 at 15:48

0

The Scirocco is one of the cars I lusted after while I was driving the Reliant.

colorfulyawn > Marvintpa 10/04/2013 at 15:50

0

I'll never forget that metal dashboard top. It was metal that they made to look like cheap, molded plastic. For some reason, that always cracked me up.

colorfulyawn > CSX321 10/04/2013 at 15:52

1

I quite liked the turbo 2.2 motors. My folks had a couple of LeBarons with them ('87 and '88), and a friend of mine in high school had a black Daytona Turbo Z with it.

Count Tofu > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 16:10

1

My first car (just like this one, but not this one), I loved it. Had it for years then some aholes stole it and wrapped it around a tree...

John Norris (AngryDrifter) > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 20:35

1

Dear 'bird

I always called you by your full name; 69 Pontiac Firebird. But everyone knew you as 'bird.

It was 1977, you had a 350 V8, 2bbl, single exhaust, which was not the highest horsepower in your class, but you could do some smokin' burnouts none-the-less.

You had an automatic, which challenged your self-esteem, particularly with that column shift. That was weird. You just didn't see Camaros, Firebirds, or Mustangs with column shifts. That was more normal for the bench seat crowd.

That column shift connected up to a three speed Turbo 350. All I can say is thank god you weren't sportin' a powerglide. As you may recall some of my friends tried them. Those teasers with 2-speed automatics just didn't put out.

Some kids at school had new model Firebirds, but they had all that late 70's smog equipment choking their intakes and exhaust. You breathed freely. At least when I changed your air cleaner. Which probably wasn't as often as it should have been. Sorry about that.

I bought you some aluminum rims and big fat tires and installed some loud tunes. I didn't see the point in beefing up your 350 2 bbl engine with that low compression, at least it was low for the time. That was back in the days when gas had lead in it and you didn't need some fancy shmancy electronics to hold off the pre-ignition.

You had air conditioning, power steering, power brakes and bucket seats. Younger drivers probably don't realize it but not every girl was born with those options in 1969. You were set up for cruising.

And cruise we did. I can't remember how many times you took me down Van Nuys Blvd. You took me skiing in Big Bear, probably Mammoth Mountain as well. You took me to the beach and you took me to every high school party in the greater San Fernando Valley in 1977 - 78. You took me to drag races. Even the last drag race at Irwindale.

You never broke down for me on a date. Although you did blow off a little steam now and then. Probably more due to my watering you down, rather than proper use of coolant / antifreeze. Again, sorry about that.

You did have some funny quarks. I never could get to that spark plug back in the number 8 cylinder. Part of your air conditioner jutted out next to the valve covers and you just couldn't squeeze around it to get a socket wrench in there. And your damn tail light bulbs lasted about a week. And when I topped you off with gas, and then drove up a steep driveway, you spilled out the filler cap, which was just behind the rear license plate; weird.

I know it's a little creepy but I later hooked up with your younger cousin from Australia; ironically with the same first name. But she has a six speed, a LS-1 with 350 horses, and independent rear suspension. She is everything you weren't; younger, faster, brand new. So I am sure you can understand.

It was a light pole that finally did you in. You lost it in a corner. Something about a sticky throttle. It really wasn't my fault.

Okay, it was my fault. It was me, not you. Your throttle was fine. My throttle was that of a 17 year old male. I can accept that now at 53.

colorfulyawn > John Norris (AngryDrifter) 10/04/2013 at 20:59

0

Man, being young, owning a 1st-gen Firebird, and living in the SFV in the late '70s sounds like a pretty good time.

Oddly, I find myself thinking that every time I watch an episode of CHiPs, too.

DavidHH > colorfulyawn 10/04/2013 at 22:34

0

You should apologize you could have had this instead:

LSXforYourSuperCar > Michael H 10/04/2013 at 23:31

0

During the early nineties my Dad made pretty good side money buying slant six equipped classic Mopars and converting them to big block 440s' before reselling them.

Since the slant was neither desirable, rare, or worth more than the raw material it was made of, we decided to try to destroy a slant six. You cannot destroy a slant six, however little oil you leave in it's pan, however wide you leave it's throttle. You cannot coax a slant six into self destruction.

I may have inadvertently written a poem:

Not desirable, rare, or worth anything.

I tried to destroy it.

It does not allow it to be destroyed.

Gotta be a Hy-cou or somthing..

Thundar The Ork > colorfulyawn 10/05/2013 at 00:43

0

I had a red 5-speed Reliant station wagon. It was a POS, I drove it until I permanently locked the braking system up. Man I miss that car.

theonetruetom > Count Tofu 10/05/2013 at 03:26

0

Mine was an '84 GLC. It had 65 horsepower (according the the emissions sticker), a manual transmission, and a suicide hood (much like my current E30 BMW). I covered that bastard with geeky bumper stickers, wired the stereo myself, and removed the back seat for weight savings. I had bought it for 250 bucks, and it lasted me 2 years. It got me through high school, which was the goal, but it was a total shitbox. When it died (not sure why, I wasn't very mechanically inclined at the time but looking back I think the exhaust clogged itself from running rich all the time) I got an '85 Corolla for $600. It moved me to NM and got me through a winter, then I lent it to a guy who "knew how to drive stick" and brought it back to me with a quarter-sized hole through the block.

pieceofSchmitt > Michael H 10/05/2013 at 12:05

0

http://www.allpar.com/corporate/bios…

nathonix > colorfulyawn 10/05/2013 at 15:25

0

An Angry Letter to my first car.

the 1987 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale, in fugly ass yellow, you were like driving a couch, when you drove, i did maybe a total of twenty miles in you. Harmonic Balancer issues that made the entire twenty tons of steel and fug wobble like jello, two whole paychecks to get that fixed. Got you back home, went to take you around the alleyway to park you on the other side of the house, and your tailpipe fell off.

In the end, you got everything you deserved, with your terrible "spinner" wheelcovers, i left for college, and some kids bought you for a hundred bucks to get into a demolition derby. Fuck you, you useless, miswired, heavy, slow, sixth owner, piece of automotive effluence. If it weren't for you, I might have been more interested in driving earlier in life, instead of buying my first proper working vehicle at the age of 22.

You may have had an influence in the choice of a full size sedan, but more than anything, you had an influence in my thorough testing procedures in purchasing vehicles now. You made me appreciate low maintenance vehicles, and you taught me that being a shade tree mechanic is the best way to know what i'm talking about.

In the end, I owe you a debt of gratitude, but still, fuck you, glad you burned in hell.

Count Tofu > theonetruetom 10/05/2013 at 18:25

0

Hehe, wiring the stereo, that's about the one thing I knew how to do myself too... good on us!

theonetruetom > Count Tofu 10/05/2013 at 22:32

0

All I'm gonna say is, I will never ever buy another econobox from a company with a Japanese name affiliated with an American company that won't even put their actual name (Toyo Kogyo Industries) on the back of their vehicles. I roll American and German now (Fiero that's mostly broken most of the time and an e30 that isn't broken ever.)

George McNally > colorfulyawn 10/31/2013 at 14:56

1

My dad showed me how to do an "Italian Tune-up" on his 72 Gran Torino wagon. It was his company car-had no options except it had (I think) a 460 in it.

Anyways, it was a couple years old and he couldn't stand it as it had no air conditioning. It wasn't running correctly, so he put it in Park and held the gas pedal to the floor for several minutes. I swear, the smoke coming out of the tailpipe changed colors several times and after that it did run better.

A couple months afterward, a garbage truck rear-ended him and totaled it out. The replacement company car was a 74 Gran Torino wagon much like the first one. Huge motor-no options....I used to take it cruising and even won a couple drag races with it.

Moral of the story....not sure there is one, but I don't do tuneups like my dad used to.